Monthly Emails

Death of a Child: You Will Survive This

October 15, 2017

This is a club you never wanted to join. I belong to this group of surviving parents, and I can walk this path with you, providing insight and comfort.

You will be tender, tired, aching, and battle warn. Seeking help from a licensed grief therapist could be vital, as well as being in the company of your family and friends. If you want spiritual support and do not have a pastor, minister, rabbi, or other religious leader, I am available. You will have questions and may need some time to discover what death means to you.

Right now, you are facing the journey of “getting back to living life again.” It may be minute-to-minute or day-to-day. Those of us who have walked this path know “you will have joy and happiness in your life again.” If that's true for us, maybe it’s true for you. This could be a helpful reminder when you are telling yourself that “you can’t image life without your child.” We, too, were haunted by this thought. We lost our innocence because we believed our children would be with us until the end of our lives. It’s just not supposed to happen this way. It’s not the natural order of things.

There are no short cuts, it just takes time, and you are not the same person you were before. In place of the old you, the new you is rising out of ashes, if ever so slowly. This is a reminder that you will want to participate in life again. From this new perspective, you will see everyone and everything differently.

If you are partnered, you will need to be extra careful with each other. Desire to place this blame on yourself, your partner, or others is tempting. This can rip apart the foundation of your relationship. Friendly reminder, “we all grieve in our own way and time.” Be sure to seek assistance with couple’s therapy and don't do this alone. No one is prepared to handle this kind of grief. While you are individually seeking solid ground under your feet, it's natural not to know what to do for each other. When you are able to seek comfort and solace in your partner, you will both find healing and have a stronger family unit. Don’t give up on each other.

For now, just be good to yourself and you will get through this. Compassionate Friends is a nonprofit group that's free and confidential. This is a terrific resource to have.

Please remember, you are not alone. Our club is small, but it's bigger than it ever needed to be. My prayer for you is peace. May you be able to let someone hold your hand today

There is hope, reach out.

Suzi Caffreys

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