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Do You Need Them to Change?

March 13, 2019

Are there people in your life who continually frustrate you? Do you pressure them to change to no avail? Are you tired of wishing and waiting they'll meet your needs one day?

Let me give you some hope. There's a way to flip the script and take charge of your own happiness. It's starts by recognizing you can be okay and get what you need, whether they change or not. Here's how this works:

When you feel frustrated with someone, you're often missing the reason they've been put in your life. Take your partner, for instance. People want their spouse to fill a lot of roles. You might want them to clean the house to your standards. You might want them to be more social. You might want them to listen to you vent. When they continuously fail in one (or more) of those roles, it can feel like a betrayal. You might question why you're in this relationship.

There's often a difference between what you want from a person, verses why Spirit has put them in your life. Get clear about what you expect from them. It helps to write it down. Now, write down this person's strengths. Is there a match between your expectations and their strengths? This will help you gauge if your expectations are reasonable.

Spirit asks us to see people for who they truly are and allow it be enough. If you regularly feel irritated by someone, you might need to stop asking them to be someone they are not, or they might start believing they're unacceptable. Your intention could be to motivate or encourage them, but there's a chance you're actually shaming them.

It's possible to release your frustration AND empower a person. It's not about waiting for them to change or insisting on it. You have choices in how you see them and what you ask of them. If your partner isn't very social, who else can fill that role? If they don't want to hear you vent, who else might be available to listen?  

This re-frame applies to family, friends, coworkers, and your boss. Look at who frustrates you and ask, "What's my part in this? Was I expecting too much from them?" Focus on their strengths and view it as a message from Spirit telling you how to maximize this relationship.

Until next time,

Suzi Caffreys



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