Monthly Emails

Families: An Honest Conversation

April 16, 2015

Let's talk for a bit about family members and those that are challenging or impossible for the sensitive empath to stay in contact with. 

There is a lot being said these days about adult children consciously choosing to be estranged from their families. (Google it)

There are toxic families where just being around them we can feel physically sick. For no particular reason this heaviness lingers before and after a visit.

As far as we know there was no abuse. There are no addictions or mental illnesses. Finding a reason for our uncomfortableness is exhausting.

We tell ourselves that we don't like them or that they don't like us. The truth is we're not comfortable around these people and as adults we're not able to connect.

If we live to be 85 the first 18 years are theirs, so to speak. The next 67 years are ours and we are under no obligation to struggle in a family that rejects us passively or overtly.

Our relationship with our family is dependent on our willingness to do the work to get emotionally naked and truly see ourselves.  Remember that working out our childhood issues is not dependent on family members understanding or accepting us. Sometimes it is beneficial to ask for assistance from our guides and ancestors to work through this.

As young children, the connection we have with our parents is one of necessity. However, these connections are not always nurturing. Addiction and mental illness play a huge part in childhood neglect. Addicts and those with mental illness may not ever recognize they're sick. 

As an adult we might be clear about our feelings and what happened. Knowing our parents are sick, we may consciously choose to stay involved understanding the limitations the chronic illnesses will play in our adult relationship.

If we are to walk this path with an ill family member it's because we simply cannot let them go. We are in for the long haul knowing this is ours to do.

 On the other hand, imagine what would happen if we were to stand up and say with all honesty what we felt and what we needed? I am guessing that in many families telling the truth and being our authentic selves could lead to rejection. If we suspect that we would be rejected then that is important information to have. We may share love and some wonderful memories but it might not be enough.

When we are part of a forever family we know it. In good times and in bad we will grow together. We can be our authentic selves even though we don't get along with everyone all the time. There is enough of a connection to weather life's storms.

If this is not your life path you will recognize you are in an impermanent family. The sooner you make peace with that the better. You have been given a difficult life path but you are not alone.  Whatever life you choose to live, let it be forthright.

Until next time,

Suzi Caffreys

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