Monthly Emails

It Feels Good to Vent

July 13, 2018

It feels good to vent, doesn't it? But have you ever felt angrier after venting or felt drained after someone vented about their issues?

Let's talk about healthy venting and how to achieve it.

All of us need to be heard, and sometimes, we need to speak out loud when we are scared, confused, angry, or upset. This can be a tremendous release of emotional energy and bonding.

With that said, it helps to realize that when a person vents, there's an emotional dump that happens. And sometimes, a person's anger doesn't dissipate when venting, it escalates.

This is evident in the news when you see people lashing out and assaulting others. Their venting has likely gone into a feedback loop that hungers for greater power and dominance. They act aggressively to feed the satisfaction that could no longer be achieved by venting.

Healthy venting takes diligence and presence. Before you begin, here's a way to become purposeful:

1.  Find a safe person who is okay with you being angry-someone who won't judge or hold your words against you-someone who can stay awake and not take on your anger.
2. Agree to vent for a fixed period of time. Let the listener know they can bail from the conversation, if needed, or tell you they've had enough.
3. Ask the listener to refrain from offering advice and opinions. This is the venter's time to talk without interruptions. This boundary is essential to healthy, non-codependent venting.
4. Remember to get permission before ranting via email or text. Venting without agreement is considered an attack.

Every good vent session has a beginning, middle, and conclusion. Therapists are masters at supporting people in this process. It may be necessary to seek this level of support at some time.

With this knowledge about healthy venting, you'll be able to talk about your issues with intention, set clear boundaries, and give other people the gift of simply being heard.

Until next time,


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