Monthly Emails

Should I push back or just let it go? The BIFF Response method

September 19, 2016

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a personal attack, hostile email, or social media meltdown? These days, it's becoming more common than ever!

I'm writing about this because many of you feel ashamed when you find yourself in these heated encounters. You wonder what the Universe is trying to tell you or how you managed to manifest this person in your life. Please understand, this is not okay and you didn't do anything to deserve it.

If your preparation for these interactions have included prayer, meditation, positive thinking, or avoidance of negativity, that is a perfectly reasonable place to start. We all need to remember to use our spiritual self-care in these situations.

In addition to those practices, it's important to remember that when you're dealing with high-conflict people, a careful plan of action is required. I have taken the following information directly from Bill Eddy's website.

"The BIFF Response method will help you respond to hostile emails, texts and other communications and make you feel good doing it!

Most people have a hard time responding to personal attacks in emails, texts and other communication because it puts them in "react" mode instead of "respond" mode. The most important thing to remember is:  it's not about you! BIFF stands for  Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm and can be used by anyone, in any situation, but it does take practice. Learn how to write (or speak) using the BIFF Response method to help bring an angry exchange to a quick conclusion without losing it yourself.

Characteristics of a High Conflict Person:

1. Rigid and Uncompromising, Repeating Failed Strategies
2. Difficulty Accepting and Healing Loss
3. Negative Emotions Dominate their Thinking
4. Inability to Reflect on their Own Behavior
5. Difficulty Empathizing With Others
6. Preoccupied with Blaming Others
7. Avoids Any Responsibility For the Problem or the Solution

HCPs use phases like: "It's all your fault." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "You're a disgrace!" "Are you crazy?" "Who do you think you are?" These are often shared publicly to emphasize how "blame worthy" you are. Unfortunately, this often sounds believable to those who are not informed about the situation. Those who get on board with HCPs are considered "Negative Advocates." You'll want to avoid falling into that trap, as well.

2012 by Bill Eddy

Take a look at these links. They are absolute life savers and will give you knowledge that only a small percentage of the population is aware of.

Knowing how to manage your emotional response to high-conflict people is one of the most powerful spiritual experiences you can have and as always, I am here to help.

Here's a link to Bill Eddy's book about quick responses to HCPs:

Here's an article to get you started:

Until next time,

Suzi Caffreys

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