Monthly Emails

Would You Like To Be A Better Lover?

July 9, 2017

There are countless techniques explained online to improve your love making. So, why do you still question how you can be a better lover, or how you can feel greater connection and consistency? Here's the simple truth:

>Lovers have ebbs and flows--extreme ups and downs, dry spells, and "what ifs." And yet, many couples believe they have found their soul mate. In blissful times, there's no plan needed and no reason to try. You just give in, let go, and the magic happens. But when something feels "off," you probably want to know why.

The key to being a better lover (long term) is in your ability to answers two key questions:

1. Who is this person?

Because people are complex, you may only get snippets of insight into who your lover is. When trust gets questioned, you might say to yourself, "I thought I knew who they were." This doesn't have to mean separation. Consider it an invitation to grow the relationship and become better lovers. When your lover's words and actions enter your awareness, you have two choices:

(A) Acceptance: Our bodies respond most favorably and sensually from acceptance. Two lovers' acceptance of each other moves their journey forward, and they won't feel the need to recreate the past. This kind of knowing takes time, and it cannot be rushed. There's no technique or magic spell that can evoke this kind of surrender.

(B) Ultimatums: You have seen who your lover is and in your eyes, something is unacceptable. You know your own visual, emotional, or sensual bench marks, and something's not quite right with your lover. You can inform them of what you'd like to be different, and only time will tell if they can heed your suggestions. At this point, you are not looking backward or forward in the relationship. You are on hold, waiting for changes to take place. Both acceptance and ultimatums are clearly understood, and both are options.

Why are you there?

Are you with this person for the long term or the night? Do you want comfort, companionship, or something else? There are no wrong answers, but you must understand your needs regarding this other person. Things can change in time, too. Any confusion on your part will shut down your intuitive signals, and you won't be able to focus on enjoying your lover.

If this starts to happen, take a quick mental break. Ask yourself, "Who is this person, and why am I here?" You might be shocked at how quickly the answers arrive. This kind of knowing will either get you in sync with them or stop it all together. And if your answers aren't positive, or you can't answer these questions at all, that's good information to have, too!

Until Next Time

Suzi Caffreys

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